The Day the Internet Disappeared: A Humorous Guide to Surviving an Internet Apocalypse
By Adedayo Oyetoke, Published on: January 18th 2025 3 min, 511 word Views: 77
Imagine waking up one morning to find your phone as useful as a brick, your laptop showing the dreaded "No Internet Connection" message, and your smart home devices deciding they're on a sudden vow of silence. Welcome to the world where the internet has decided to take an unscheduled vacation. But fear not! Let's dive into what could happen if the internet went kaput, with a sprinkle of humour and a dash of education.
Do You Know...
...that the longest internet shutdown in history lasted over 550 days in Ethiopia? That's right, from June 2019 to November 2020, internet access was restricted in parts of the country, turning life back by several decades in terms of digital connectivity.
The World Without Internet:
- Communication: No more spam emails, but also no way to tell your friends you're still alive after missing that group chat. We'd be back to carrier pigeons, except they've all forgotten how to navigate without Google Maps.
- Work: Remote jobs would be a myth, and office workers would have to remember how to use that ancient device called a "fax machine." Fun Fact: The term "fax" comes from "facsimile," which means "exact copy." How quaint!
- Entertainment: Streaming services would be dead in the water, leaving us with our dusty DVD collections or, heaven forbid, gasp reading books. Do you know... that the average person could read "War and Peace" in about 33 hours? Now's your chance!
- Education: Online learning would halt, but hey, it's time to dust off those chalkboards and rediscover the art of handwriting. Fun Fact: The longest sentence ever published in English literature is over 800 words long, from "Remembrance of Things Past" by Marcel Proust. Try writing that by hand!
Survival Tips for an Internet-less World:
- Rediscover Offline Hobbies: Knitting, painting, or even learning to play an instrument. Remember, when the internet's gone, your time is yours again.
- Navigate with Maps: Or better yet, ask for directions. It's like a social experiment with the bonus of human interaction!
- Stock Up on Books: Turn your home into a personal library. Bonus points for starting your own book club.
- Embrace Analog: Play board games, listen to records, or write letters. The world was once analog, and it wasn't all bad!
Would the World End?
Not quite. Humanity survived millennia without the internet, and we'd find ways to adapt. But it would be a significant jolt to our daily routines, highlighting how much we rely on this invisible web of connectivity.
- Internet Society's Map of Internet Shutdowns: See where and when internet blackouts have happened around the globe.
- BBC News: Ethiopian internet shutdown An in-depth look at one of the longest internet shutdowns.
Conclusion:
While the thought of an internet shutdown might make us chuckle at the absurdity of life without our digital crutches, it's also a reminder of our vulnerability. So next time you're frustrated with slow internet, remember, it could always be worse—you could be using a dial-up connection. Now, go out there and enjoy the internet while it lasts, and maybe start learning how to knit just in case!